Thursday, December 29, 2005

All Will Be Revealed - so pay attention!

It finally happened! While I was trying in vain, in a resigned and desultory fashion, to fast-forward through another FBI warning at the beginning of a DVD, I had a sneezing fit. In the midst (or perhaps a nano-moment past the midst) of the sneezing fit, I had a revelation. Let me say that again in my best William Shatner imitation:

I... HAD ... (....) ... arevelation!


Confirmed peon of the Methodist Church (1976)
St. John, the last-known Saint of the Norse Brahmanist Church (e-mails welcome) (1982)
Nichiren Buddhist (Nam Myoho Renge Kyo) (1985)
Delta Mu Delta (1995)
Pagan (2001)
Atheist (2004)
The Hand Grenade of Courteous Debate – Unitarian Jihad (October)
Third High Priest of the Temple of the Invincible Beastmaster (November)
and itinerant Bass fisherman (you bet your (b)ass it’s a religion!)
and now, =POPE= of the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric (POEE)!

The revelation which was revealed to me and which is mine is:

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is really a manifestation of Eris! What could be more confusing than multiple personalities?
If I interpret what was revealed to me through my pineal gland correctly, Eris made this manifestation one afternoon when she finally tired of appearing as a talking fish (The Fisherman and his Wife). Either that, or she was trying to tell me that she was feeling “not-so-fresh” at the time.

Perhaps this passage from the Principia Discordia's very beginning will explain, but I wouldn’t count on it.

GREATER POOP: Is Eris true?
MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

Is it a mere coincidence that I came upon this web site, read the Fourth Edition Introduction, then two days later found a copy of The Illumenatus! Trilogy on the swap table at our town dump? Damn straight! And, absolutely true by the way. If you need me to prove it to you, send me $200 and I’ll track down the previous owner, keep the money, and send you something perishable by slow mail.

I am almost sure that Eris was one of a powerful race of beings with sex appeal and bad tempers that The Invincible Beastmaster met in his travels. I hope to have the details of this meeting revealed to me, grid willing.